Respite is crucial when you are raising special needs kids. Let’s face it, neurotypical kids can be exhausting. Add in some special needs, and, well, there really aren’t words to describe the mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion surrounding the constant care our kids require. So, how do we get respite? Honestly, it depends on your child, but let me share some things that have worked for me and a few of my friends.
- Family- Do you have parents or in-laws that can take your children for a weekend? Or, could your parents and in-laws tag team and each take ½ of a weekend so you and your spouse can have a weekend away? What about a niece or your sister-in-law? We used to hire our college-aged niece to stay at our house for a weekend. We saved up all year to take a weekend away, but it was vital for us. It was so recharging to just be us. To not have to worry about what time is it? Is it time for medicine again? Are we near a bathroom? What if we aren’t near a bathroom and my child starts an episode of cyclical vomiting? To be able to sleep in. To be able to go to any restaurant we want. Granted, some family members may need convincing. When we sat our family members down and described the amount of work that truly goes in to raising a special needs child, they were more open to help. But, we had to share the good, bad, and the ugly. Once we did, they understood more the need for our annual weekends away.
- College students– We were very fortunate to have a large college-aged group at our church with students we had watched grow up. We did the same thing as mentioned in option 1- we paid a college student to stay at our house for a weekend. If you don’t have a group like this, what about asking around at the local community college? Care.com or sittercity.com may be options. These groups are a little more expensive, but they are an option. Speaking of expenses, my mom still does Christmas and birthday gifts for her grown children and their spouses. So, for Christmas and our birthdays, we would ask for money, but we would tell them that we are saving up for our annual weekend away.
- Solo weekends away– If you can’t find someone to watch your children so you can go away together, I think it’s valuable to divide and conquer. Sit down and look at the calendar, and each choose a weekend away. Once spouse will go away (it doesn’t have to be fancy or far, and you can set a budget on expenses), and the other spouse will hold down the fort at home. My spouse and I would often combine these with our church’s men’s retreat or women’s retreat. Or, my husband would go camping with his buddies, and I would go someplace with my sister. Realistically, if you budget correctly, you are spending the same amount of money as you would if you went away for the weekend together because now you are not paying someone to watch the kids.
- Trips without the special needs child– I do realize that this one is controversial, but let’s be honest. It’s hard to have special needs siblings. It’s embarrassing when your family is coming into the concert your high school jazz band has worked on all year, and something (a sight, a sound, a smell) set off your autistic brother and he’s having a meltdown. It’s hard to answer your friend’s questions about what is wrong with your brother? Why is he doing that? Does he always do that? Raising special needs children isn’t easy, and it isn’t easy for our neurotypical kids, either. They deserve a break just as much as we do. I recommend taking a family trip (even if it’s just a day trip) without the special needs child. Hire a babysitter for the day, and let the other siblings know that we are going to the movies and out to eat, and we are really going to the movies and out to eat. No one is going to be having a fit and we have to leave the movie early. No one is going to be having a fit because their chicken nuggets aren’t cooked exactly how they want. Our other children deserve a break, too. Just something to think about.
